Is it “Suicide” if Internet Hate Killed 1st Mommy Blogger Heather Armstrong?

The world’s first mommy blogger passed away, Heather Armstrong, Dooce. They’re calling it suicide, alcoholism and poor mental health. But, what if? It was the vile energy the world dumped on her for sharing what it felt like to be her … an imperfect person, an imperfect mom.

Global Coronavirus Pandemic Conspiracy

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Is the Global COVID Pandemic a conspiracy? Is the media causing panic for clicks and ratings? Is the Republican party obstructing the political process by ordering us to stay at home during election season? Is Bill Gates overtaking the world?
I’ve never been a conspiracy nut … but sometimes people really are conspiring. If there’s a conspiracy we’re going to have to look past the usual scape goats of the media, Donald Trump, political parties, marketing platforms and even nations.
The questions we really need to be asking to see who would really benefit from a global pandemic are far darker than you might think. Who benefits from making us angry at each other? Who benefits from keeping us afraid? Who benefits from resource shortages? Who has a monopoly on food? Who has a monopoly on water rights? Who has a monopoly on medicine? Who benefits from genocide?
Who benefits from the two-party system narrative? Who is telling you not to trust the media?
Who benefits from a miracle vaccine … does anyone doubt that a miracle is just right around the corner?
Are we going to be allowed to vote? What happens if we aren’t? Why are we still using 200 year old outdated technologies —paper — to vote in an information age? Why do most of our elected officials still think of the economy in World War II realities that no longer apply?

Recession 2020: What to Do When You’re in Financial Trouble during COVID Pandemic At Home Orders

What should you do when you’re facing financial troubles during the Covid Pandemic and Stay at Home Orders? Have you lost your job? Been laid off? Lost your health insurance and other benefits? Should you pay your mortgage?

Maybe you’ve lost your job, been laid off, lost your health insurance and other benefits and you’re financially struggling. This is Recession 2020 information about how you should handle personal financial disaster during this international financial disaster. If you are overextended on debt, you’ve financed a car, your job is over and you can’t pay your mortgage what should you do? Americans are chum in the water and the sharks are circling. There are many who will benefit from this pandemic and the government relief and mortgage relief will cause people to lose their homes and make bad choices. Practical advice for what to pay and when to pay it, what to ignore and how to prioritize when facing financial ruin and even bankruptcy.

Forced to Re-Choose: How do we take care of ourselves and others?

What do we do with our feelings during times of transition and trauma? Do we choose how we feel? Should we shut our feelings up? How do we make choices when fear, anger and frustration bubble up? How do we respond to this kind of shake up in our systems?

COVID, Coronavirus, quarantine, shelter at home, economic crashes and an abrupt halt to millions of jobs brings up really intense feelings. What do we do with this anxiety, fear, anger and trauma?

In this podcast, I talk about how attempting to control our feelings lead to destructive behaviors toward ourselves and others. When we tell our emotions to shut up we lean toward addiction, shaming ourselves for perfectly natural and valid responses to danger. We are not imagining the danger to our livelihoods and the abrupt transitions we are making in our economy.

This is a time of re-choosing. So how do we re-choose? How do we make the transitions required in the way we work, the way we think, the way we vote and the way we get our needs met.

This podcast challenges conventional wisdom, old paradigms and beliefs that are no longer practical or helpful in the way we live today in 2020. When faced with a dramatic halt, how do we know which way to go? When faced with forced change how do we deal with our personal emotions and kindness to others?

How are global resources distributed and it is sustainable, helpful or beneficial? With all the fake news, agendas, corporate misleading and mistrust how do we know what to believe or which way to vote?

With new information, new science, new discoveries how do we interpret what the Golden Rule is? Why are we using outdated information to determine our impact on the world? How can we dump trigger words like Love or “Do Unto Others” when they are no longer useful in centering our values and behavior?

Resources Mentioned:

Soul vs. Ego Smackdown Meditation

Soul vs. Ego Smackdown Book

Tapping with Darryl Stewart

Yoga With Adrienne

quarantine COVID law of attraction manifestation

Quarantine, COVID & Law of Attraction Manifestation

How did COVID-19 Manifest with Law of Attraction? Use this opportunity to Re-choose your life! Did we think the wrong thoughts? Did all of the newly-unemployed people just do it wrong? If you’re scared will you attract bad things to you?

Right now, we have a moment in history when things are going to reshuffle and recalibrate. Did we make this happen with our negative thoughts and our evil sinners’ ways? Does God hate humans? Should you force yourself to push fear down and look on the bright side?

NO! You didn’t do it wrong and you’re allowed to be scared, disappointed, angry and grief-stricken. In fact you should acknowledge those feelings and just let them be. Your feelings have wonderful messages for you.

Right now is the time to Be Still and Know that I am God, and to surrender to Thy Will Be Done.

What is happening is that we, collectively, catching up with our own progress and innovation. We have been misaligned as a society between an agrarian system for education, a 9-5 industrial revolution work and economic structure and our information and technology capabilities.

Come to my Secret Clubhouse at

quarantined? how to be alone

How to be (Beautifully) Alone

Quarantined? I’m a dedicated introvert with a vivacious inner-life. Listen in and I’ll give you all the life hacks you’ll need to be happy and healthy, during your time apart. Scared of your own thoughts? Worried about being bored? Don’t worry, I’ll give you the life hacks I’ve used to become a happily self-contained introvert! You don’t actually have to leave the house to live a full, vibrant life.

(psst: you might want to subscribe because lately I’ve been posting podcasts and then removing them, especially when I’ve made myself vulnerable, or when I’ve said something I don’t necessarily want to engage in controversy over. In other words, the riskier stuff goes up and then down and moved to my patreon page.)

Meet me over on Patreon, I want to give you ALL my life hacks!

medicaid and the coronavirus

Waiting for Medicaid, (Wait, why can’t we all have healthcare, again?)

This morning I was sitting in my car at 7:30 am, the doors don’t open until 8, but I wanted to get there before it got crazy. I’m on Medicaid, and I have been since they gave Medicaid to parents during Obama-era. As we look at a medical system built for profit instead of public health, I have to ask why we can’t all have healthcare?

We don’t live in an industrial era, we aren’t tied to our 9-5 jobs anymore. “Jobs” in the traditional sense are OVER. Huge pieces of our economy are about to learn that they don’t need buildings to carry on, people can work online from anywhere.

Many jobs won’t be coming back. Entire industries will morph into something else. Businesses are going to fail. Why do we have an economy built on businesses instead of an economy built to support people? Where is all that profit? All those bazillions of dollars in profit – where is that? What have they done with it? Why aren’t these mega-corps in a position to bail out the government? Are their business-models so short-sighted that they too are living paycheck to paycheck?

Let’s watch how the world’s medical systems respond to a public health crisis. Who fares better? The United States or Canada? Brittian? Is a private health system connected to our jobs really an efficient way to manage our collective health? No freakin’ way!

Why can’t everyone have healthcare, if nothing else the coronavirus shows us that we’re in this together.

(psst: you might want to subscribe because lately I’ve been posting podcasts and then removing them, especially when I’ve made myself vulnerable, or when I’ve said something I don’t necessarily want to engage in controversy over. In other words, the riskier stuff goes up and then down and moved to my patreon page.)

Meet me over on Patreon, I want to give you ALL my life hacks!

What This Global Pandemic is Really About

Coronavirus: What the Global Panic about the Global Pandemic is Really About


In this three hour podcast, yes, three hours, I share what I know is going on with our collective fear and panic. The coronavirus is finally giving us something to point to and say, “That! I’m afraid of that!”

The world suddenly appears to grasp its unstable position during a global panic about a global pandemic over Coronavirus. That pit in your stomach, that underlying panic bubbling up to your heart is making us do some crazy hoarding, as people rush to stores to stock up on hand sanitizer and toilet paper (we should be switching to bidets anyway, friends).

Suddenly we’re all terrified of a Super Virus, right? We have to stop a global pandemic, don’t we?

Ainsley, my 18-year-old daughter is stuck, with her high school orchestra in Indianapolis, praying she gets to come home, praying that highways and flights remain open. Within 24 hours of their flight the local school district has banned travel; within 72 hours the district has shut down schools for the rest of March. On a regular day we would not be worried, but during this trip—planned and worked hard for since last August—we are nervous as we watch Donald Trump declare a “National State of Emergency,” halt international travel to Europe and then quietly bomb Iran.

Bombing Iran barely makes headlines. The State of Emergency isn’t much of an emergency, but this virus is serving well to bring on a good global panic. The numbers of sick people or those dying do not support a “pandemic,” but “Global Pandemic” makes a great headline and rewards the media-drama-makers with clicks.

Global pandemic about a new SuperVirus, Coronavirus, is a fabulous distraction from the war that’s really being waged, one Trump doesn’t have to bother to stop and get permission from Congress (any of us) for. This State of Emergency gives him the blank check to do whatever he wants.

A State of Emergency about a health crisis is a very convenient thing to point to, when trying to explain why your economy has crashed and why we’re coming into a period of GLOBAL food and water scarcity.

What has this over-reaction to an under-whelming “emergency” tapped into that makes us rush to the grocery store and grab up everything we can get our hands on? Is it truly a fear of getting sick?

Nope. Can’t be. There was one single case of coronavirus in Larimer Country, where I live in Colorado, when we closed schools and started running end-of-the-world scenarios.

There were already 15 million people in the United States with plain ol’ influenza, a virus which kills up to 61,000 people per year. No one bats an eye, we go about our every day business.

The vast majority of people who do get coronavirus experience flu-like symptoms, recover and go on with their lives. It’s not even as though everyone who gets this virus dies.

Our unease about a new virus; the panic we’re experiencing is an underlying dread we’ve been holding deep within our bodies, like a pit in our stomachs, that something is off. Something is wrong. We are in a tenuous position, that something sinister is happening.

We’ve been carrying this panic, unable to point to something and scream “It’s that, I’m afraid of that!” for a few years. Instead of being able to point to something unnamable as the cause we treat ourselves as though we have unusual, out-of-the-ordinary, depression or anxiety.

We look at Facebook and Instagram and think “Why am I the only one who feels anxious, hopeless and depressed” Then we call it FOMO (fear of missing out). What we’re really experiencing when we look at other people’s picture-perfect lives is confusion.

“Why do I have a heavy sense of unease and powerlessness and they look so carefree and happy?” That’s really what we want to know, that’s really what feels unfair.

Take heart friends, look around. We are ALL feeling this sense of unease, this dread was already simmering in the pot before the media finally gave us a reason to boil over.

Coronavirus is a just the trigger. This virus is something we can point to and say, “I’m scared of that!” We can finally do what we’ve felt like doing for a while, shut down, keep our kids close and hoard resources.

I’ve been talking about this simmering panic for a while now. I did a podcast about an inevitable 2020 Inflation caused by our economy built on the vapors of a robust stock market, low wages, fewer jobs, abuse of the 1099 contractor designation, exorbitant housing and medical costs.

We are in a new age: the Age of Corporatism. It has nothing to do with a free market, or good old fashioned capitalism and competition. It is most emphatically not democratic.

The Age of Corporatism kingpins have used “Pro-Life Christian Values” messaging to hack and hijack the Republican party. In 1973, 46 years ago a huge voting faction, Pro-Life Christians, aligned themselves with Corporatists Monsters. These Corporatist Monsters can literally do any hell-worthy thing they desire as long as they utter inane things like “I would vote against abortion, I’m Pro-Life, or I believe in family values.” Pro-Life Christians look no further, certainly not into the backrooms where gangsters and criminals and Nazi’s (yes, I said Nazi’s, look up Dupont’s history) have been doing deals to buy up all of the food and water resources on the planet.

Meanwhile, while the President is “Making America Great Again,” the mega-global corporations run by these Monsters are not owned by Americans, do not pay United States taxes, outsource their jobs to third-world country laborers, who also don’t contribute to the American economy, and have been recognized by his Supreme Court to carry the same weight as a citizen of the United States. None of this is to the benefit of the actual citizens of America.

We have a real problem, you can feel it in your bones. It’s more sinister than a simple virus. It’s not hopeless, but there’s not much hope either, unless we’re going to take back the world. We can’t do it without Pro-Life America. Christians you must re-examine your core values and hold them up against what is happening in this world, in this time, in your name.

No one — not a single person — gets to cop out of this responsibility with a third-party vote or a protest abstention. The stakes are too high.

Our food, water and air resource shortage is fixable. In fact, it’s not even difficult to fix. There are some simple, sophisticated ancient land practices—like goat grazing—which can repair soil. There are enough resources to support us—all of us. It simply a matter of how we divide them, and whether we do it with charity or violence.

vote for elizabeth warren

Yes, You Should Vote for Elizabeth Warren “Just Because” She’s a Woman

Yes, you SHOULD vote for a Elizabeth Warren “Just Because” she’s a woman. It is not a progressive move toward equality that makes you “look at the issues and vote for the best candidate, regardless of gender;” there’s no such thing.

You are not gender blind. Gender blindness is an impossibility in this world, at this time in history. Plans and ideas will always—without exception— will sound better coming out of a man’s mouth than a woman’s mouth because of our genetic memory and programming. A man’s plans and ideas will always be from a patriarchal perspective because … why wouldn’t it be?

We are default voters. What do we default to? Genetic memory and cultural norms.

Patriarchy IS the core systemic problem. Patriarchy is our global psychopathy. Research any of the issues that threaten us today—climate change, political corruption, terrorism, healthcare, capitalism—and patriarchy is the system in which is has been built, is being upheld, and which is being enforced.

For thousands of years we have literally voted for candidates “just because” they were men. Now look where we are! Whether you are a woman or a man, you share the same genetic memory than we all do – if you don’t consciously make a choice to vote toward equality and balance you will ALWAYS default to voting for a man, preferably white.

Shocking? Not when you realize that memories are passed down in our DNA. Within us resides our survival instinct to do the safest thing. And the safest thing is doing the “same” thing.

Historically, speaking out against the status quo is dangerous. Women and minorities default to the norm (another man) or face public criticism, professional blackballing, beating, hanging, raping and rejected from their communities. Being bashed on the internet! These fears live in our DNA. And they are real. Very real.

You don’t “age into” a perspective that is not the dominant ruling demographic. A different color or ethnicity of man, doesn’t make him separate from patriarchy.

Patriarchy is a global psychopathy. It is a dangerous imbalance from one narrowly focused point of view. Then trying to fix the problems created by that point of view with that same point of view.

Balance will not be achieved with more male representation.
Don’t worry, we won’t teeter into a matriarchy if we have one woman president. Not even close.

narcissist narcissistic abuse

You Fell for a Narcissist! Now What?

narcissist narcissistic abuse
2019 The Year of the Narcissist

So you fell for a narcissist?

At least that is what YouTube said with its handy 5 point checklist.

You definitely feel tricked, used, discarded, unsure of yourself, wondering how the fuck you got here.

In this podcast we’ll discuss where the word narcissism comes from (a myth), what the psychology profession defines as a narcissist, and why there are suddenly so many of them.

Here’s a quick run down in case you don’t listen to the whole podcast.

Narcissist is a rather tragic mythical hunter who saw his own beautiful reflection in a pool of water—he fell deeply in love with the person he saw—when he discovered that it wasn’t another person, he was devastated and distraught that his love could never be requited. He lived in misery and eventually committed suicide from heartbreak. (Various versions of the details of this myth exist.)

The profession of psychology uses the MMR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) to define mental illness. True narcissism is characterized as a mental illness in this book.

Essentially it says a narcissist is profoundly selfish, trashes the self esteem of those around them to feel important, is deeply insecure yet completely absorbed in himself, surrounds himself with those who adore him (and ditches those same people when the illusion is fractured and the person sees the narcissist as the asshole he really is).

The MMR also states that for a person to be characterized as a narcissist he must be DIFFERENT from the social and cultural norms in which he exists.

THIS is the fundamental problem with our new definition — as defined by YouTube and Internet Memes, of course. Most of these men that women are being played by are no different than the cultural norms!

(yes in this episode about this topic we ARE addressing men being narcissists (go make your own podcast if this offends your preferred illusion of fairness).

How can this be?

Because ours is a civilization that makes narcissists! That’s what we do! That’s what we’ve been doing in all of our political, social, religious, tribal and cultural institutions for our entire history!

OF COURSE THESE ASSHOLES THINK THEY’RE AMAZING! Of course they don’t give a shit about you or your feelings (unless they cursorily pretend to care to get what they want).

Of course they think they’re smarter and wiser and deserve your adoration and OBEDIENCE!

Women have been outlawed from having any say whatsoever in their own lives, let alone any public life or legal institution until a few decades ago. Literally a few decades ago it was legal to beat your wife with “a stick no wider than your thumb.” In America. That was a law. All over the world it is STILL legal to beat any woman in your life.

A woman has been prohibited from an education. Stoned to death if someone raped her. Forbidden from owning property and ousted from the majority of professions—certainly all professions that had any actual power. Women have been legally written out of inheritance law. We’ve even been written out of our own spiritual autonomy and the Creation story itself.

We have been controlled not through threats of violence and rape: but through ACTUAL VIOLENCE AND RAPE. AND DEATH.

A mother – to this day in the majority of the global population – is overruled by her SON. He outranks her.

We were property friends! And not that long ago!

Ours is a happyness bubble, a privileged perceptual illusion promising the fiction of equality. But we are nowhere close.

That narcissist? The one who abused you?
This new sudden explosion of narcissists that seems to have occurred over the last few years as the SEO keyword has taken hold …

Ladies. They’re just men.

They aren’t the ones who changed. We are.

We’re the ones that raised the bar of what is and what is not acceptable.
And we’re the first goddamned generation who could even try. Because we’re the first version of women who have any hope whatsoever of being economically independent and partially safe from violence. There is no other time in history when women had access to money or protection from the legal system.

Now. As you move forward you need to take responsibility for protecting yourself. That’s right.

You protect you. Men have not only proven they’re incapable of protecting women, they don’t even actually give a fuck. The same guy who says he loves you is the one harassing that woman at work and paying the other one less. We have this compartmentalization of men and it serves our sanity to go about the world pretending that the ones in our lives are the “good ones.” But are they? Do they vote for more equality? Do they hire and promote women in their business positions? Do they watch violent pornography? Do go to religions that don’t allow women to speak in church or that tell wives to sit down, shut up and obey their husbands? Yeah. Don’t look under the covers if you’re not prepared to see what’s there. It’s pretty devastating when the happiness bubble pops.

Dads? Dads just stopped selling daughters in “modern civilization”.

And Globally? There’s still a thriving slave trade. The product is women. And the men in their lives—fathers, grandfathers, brothers, uncles, husbands—are the slave traders.

Patriarchy – the structure on which our global civilization is run — is a fundamentally narcissistic enterprise. As are 99% of traditional religions. As is our history of colonialism. And the United States of America is the global leader of patriarchy. Right now. Not in history. Right. Now.

The ultimate way to stop making narcissists is with our sons. Their whole universe is set up to create them to be narcissists.

The #1 thing to prevent them from becoming narcissists is to raise them with the VALUE of equality, but make sure that they understand that the way things currently are things are NOT equal. Tell them they have the burden of correcting the entire civilizations habit of abusing women. POINT OUT EVERY INSTANCE OF INEQUALITY, HARASSMENT, ABUSE, CRAPTASTIC BELIEFS on TV, the news, the classroom, people you know, in church. MAKE HIM SEE IT and instill the responsibility for him to change it.

Oh does that seem like a heavy burden?

Not as heavy as BEING a woman who has carried the burden of civilization in the face of fierce brutality. No, not nearly as heavy as that. His sister has to carry it.

This is our “normal” people. But, it doesn’t have the be. However, to end it we’re going to have to make a fuss, stop allowing patriarchy to be so fucking in love with itself and … yes, we women have to get okay with being alone.

If you don’t want to be with another narcissist you’ll have to get okay with waiting for that one special guy to come along who has done enough true work on himself to be a good human being. Don’t be fooled by the guy who talks a good game—he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Narcissists become better and better narcissists every time.

He very well may never come. If not, and you’re not prepared to be alone …

well … have fun with your next narcissist.